The last 48 hours have been interesting to say the least. I sought out to tell my story. My lament. I did it for my sake and for the sake of those who have felt marginalized for their sexual identity or their affirming stance. I didn't really think there would be much of a response. I half expected to algorithms of Facebook to bury a post from a person who doesn't really use social media very much and render it invisible to others.
Instead quite the opposite has happened. The stream of messages, texts, calls and emails with 100’s of people's personal stories has been overwhelming. People who have had similar experiences, people who have been edged out because of their orientation, LGBTQ people who have been bait and switch victims of the methodology of Young Life. It is a pervasive problem.
To all of you who opened up your heart and made the brave decision to be vulnerable. Thank you. I hope it was cathartic for you to put some of those thoughts and feelings into writing. I have read your stories, and I will respond in time.
The current Young Life Staff is mostly silent, which is to be expected. The best way to diffuse a situation like this is be quiet, buckle down and weather the storm. It will pass and things will go back to business as usual. Others are quiet because they are kind good people who might disagree but are not looking to pick a fight (although there are a few trolls out there). Some people's silence is prompted by the fear of losing their job or being asked not to lead because of their conflicting views. Lastly, some of you are quiet because we are friends, and the divorce from Young Life that I have written about, has also felt like a divorce from you in some ways. Not because we have done anything wrong to each other, but because it feels like we don't have the same things in common anymore. Our differences seem to separate us more than our commonalities unite us, similar to the way politics can be so polarizing. This is how WE feel. And how people are made to feel matters. This is a common thread in the many stories I have received from former YL kids, leaders and staff. The fallout is the same, they loose relationships, because in Young Life the way it seems to play out is you are either in, or you’re out.
But the truth is, most of us on the outside don't hate Young LIfe. (At least I don’t, it’s not in my DNA to hate.)
We just don’t.
We are grateful for what it gave us, we are grateful for who it has made us.
But we do want something better for Young Life.
The truth is that we still have so much in common, more than you might realize.
I know that I speak for so many others when I say this. The things about me that you might disagree with; what, how and why I believe, happened as a result of the pursuit of my faith, not a wandering from it. They come as a result of seeking an Orthopraxy. Seeking to know what it means to have the “eye of Christ”, how it feels to look on people with compassion and empathy.
The differences between us (which some have been quick to point out) are; how we hold, define and handle scripture. Its true there are some differences. But I venture to guess that so many don’t know what they believe, and more importantly many who don’t know why they believe, what it is they believe.
We are all victims of what we have been handed.
Its true, for good or for bad. We misunderstand what a child like faith means. We act like it is a kid who believes in Santa so passionately and blindly, when in reality a child like faith means asking "why?" every 30 seconds. A child like faith is the innocent kid who challenges his parents, questions everything, the first born child that is so persistent it drives you crazy. Maybe your kids are little angels, but that’s what my kids are like.
For now, Young Life, hear this. It’s messy. There are the people of Young Life and then there is the organization, and they are tough to separate. I have a huge amount of respect for what you do, I know, I did it for a very long time. It is difficult to have faith in an organization, but I do have faith in the people of Young Life. I have faith that over time they will steer the organization in the right direction. I wish it would happen more quickly, but I know it will happen. My disappointment lies in the organization that has limited its staff and volunteers through it’s ambiguous non- affirming status. It makes me sad, that YL (and much of the church) who are in the business of loving people, are the last to get on board.
I look forward to future conversations. As a friend reminded me, the conversation rarely changes the narrative. Which I agree with. Action changes the narrative. So that is my hope. That deep meaningful conversations, listening and contemplation will translate into the actions of many individuals.
PS: And contrary to what some troll may have suggested, my education, skills, business acumen and management skills go far beyond fixing a Hobart (which is a dishwasher for all the lay people). Camp Managers oversee more staff, assets and have more responsibilities that I am sure you (trolls) have ever had or will ever have in the mission of Young Life. I appreciated those posts. I got a good laugh out of them. But it does make me sad that you would shame the camp staff. (that's what they are called. Camp staff. They haven't been called property staff or property managers since 2005). I know your words are aimed at me, but please have respect for 100’s of camp staff that work tirelessly to create these very special and liminal spaces within Young Life.
PPS: Thank you to the individual who so tactfully and tastefully responded to the trolling. I think we all appreciated it.